The importance of regulating ourselves before we can support others
We will often experience times when our children are dysregulated and struggling to cope in the environment they are in, whether at a busy supermarket or a crowded park. In these times a child may not be able to regulate themselves independently and will rely on us to support them, to coregulate. But what if we are at a point of emotional or sensory dysregulation ourselves? And what if what our child seeks out to regulate is something that actually dysregulates us? We all experience the sensory world differently. The thought of messy play for some may send them into a heighted state of stress whereas for others this activity may help them to feel calm.
It is important to acknowledge our own needs and support ourselves to be regulated so that we are able to support our children through coregulation. Easier said than done when we feel constant pressure of not enough time, work and chores to be done. But by regulating ourselves we are at a better starting point to regulate our children.
Start with tuning in to where you are and what you need, and notice any triggers that make you feel overwhelmed.
Start with the basics of self-care, making sure you stop to have something to eat and drink.
Try and make self-care something that is habitual and part of your daily routine, beginning with small steps to commit to such as breath work once a day.
Think about what some of your triggers may be and explore strategies that help you to feel calm and regulated. Once you have identified these keep them in your ‘toolbox’ of activities you can use when you feel yourself struggling.
Some things you might like to try…
Breathing exercises
Mindfulness and grounding activities
Physical activity
Sensory activities that you find calming
By tuning in to our personal triggers, making self-care a daily habit, and developing a toolkit of calming strategies we can manage our own stress better. Then we will be able to maintain emotional balance to be ready to support our children when they need us to help them.
Caroline Tchighianoff
Autism Advocacy & Support Specialist