What’s been good?

Humans are inherently problem focused. Thousands of years of human progress have drawn on our pull to recognise, explore and analyse problems so that we can fix them and pave the way for a better tomorrow. 

But how often do we ask what has gone well? 

Typically, when things are going well, we lose interest in working out why - we just enjoy the ride. In contrast, from birth, our in-built threat systems are fired up and ready to notice when something is wrong; we are much more likely to ask “What’s up?” “What’s wrong?” “Everything ok?” leading to an exploration of problems than we are to ask what’s going well. 

The foundations of solution focused therapy remind us of the power of exploring strengths, however small. As our brains can’t tell the difference between imagination and reality, every time we remember something that has gone well, something we are proud of, something we are grateful for, we relive these memories supercharging the neural pathways that connect us back to our own strengths and resources. 

Being neurodivergent in a neurotypical world is tough. Lots of things can be challenging; school, sleep, friendships, transitions, food, sensory sensitivities, communication, to name a few. There are lots of problems to talk about, to solve, to support. It is easy to get lost in these; to solve one and move on to the next, without taking breath.

And yet, according to the solution focused approach, the more attention you give to something, the more it grows.

Asking your neurodivergent child or pupil “What’s been good?”, communicates that you believe something, however tiny, must have been good. A funny moment in a cartoon, listening to a song they like, a game, a taste of something delicious, an activity they enjoyed. This simple question is the beginning of an exploration of strength and coping. What was it about this moment they enjoyed? How did they make it happen? When might they get to do it again? 

Consistently asking your neurodivergent child or pupil what’s been good, supports them to develop their focus on their own strengths; to see these strengths and resources as worth their attention; to see growing their understanding of what they are good at as a path to wellbeing. In a world where neurodivergence is often talked about and simplified in terms of deficits, giving some space to exploring strengths, could support your child to believe in themselves and in their own ability to find creative ways to face challenges. 

Issy Martin
Autism Advocacy & Support Specialist