Preparing young autistic people for endings (when a trusted adult leaves)
Transition and change can be challenging for young people, but it can be especially difficult when you are autistic.
Many autistic people thrive on routine and knowing what is happening day to day. As parents, educators and advocates, we do our best to support them with predictability, preparation and structure.
Typical change occurs when moving from one school year to another or changing schools, and this usually includes a change of teacher or teaching assistant. Sometimes, endings occur when a professional working with your child moves on or is no longer available.
It’s understandable that this might cause an emotional response for the young person, including anger, withdrawal and anxiety as a result of the change in routine and loss of a key, predictable relationship. It might also make it harder for the young person to trust or engage with new support staff in the future.
How do we prepare for this?
A successful transition (change) requires careful planning, and clear and honest communication, with the young person playing a central role in this. Here are some considerations:
1. Plan Ahead and Communicate Clearly:
Give as much notice as possible about the change to allow for mental and emotional preparation/adjustment.
Explain the reasons clearly – use straightforward, concrete language to describe why the relationship or intervention is ending (e.g., "You’ve reached your goals," or "We’re finishing at the end of the school year".)
Visual supports such as a visual schedule, a visual countdown (e.g., “3 sessions left”) or social story, can help to explain the change and what will be the new routine.
Ensure the young person is involved in discussions to help them feel a sense of control over their lives.
2 . Facilitate the transition to new support:
Create an "All About Me" Profile: Develop a document detailing the young person's strengths and needs, interests, communication preferences, sensory differences, and coping strategies to share with new staff.
If possible, arrange an introduction with the new support person, potentially with the trusted adult present, to help build familiarity and confidence.
Share all relevant information about the young person, especially nuanced details about what works and doesn't work, from the leaving adult to the new one.
Give the young person an opportunity to ask any questions and give honest answers.
Be clear about what will happen next, for example, will they continue with a new person or take a break, and explain how this will work practically.
Create a transition plan – Include who they can talk to for support and when the next check-in might be.
3. Provide Emotional and Behavioral Support:
Validate Feelings: Acknowledge and name their emotions (e.g., "I can see you are angry that our plans have changed") rather than dismissing them. Be patient and give them time to process their emotions.
Maintain Routine Consistency: Keep other daily routines as consistent as possible to provide a sense of stability.
Build in Calming Strategies: Ensure access to a safe space and offer coping tools like fidget toys, noise-cancelling headphones, or time spent on special interests to manage anxiety.
Validate emotions – Acknowledge that endings can bring mixed feelings (sadness, confusion, relief or delight) and model emotional language – if they struggle to express feelings, you can model:
“Some people feel sad when something important ends. Others feel proud of what they’ve achieved. How does it feel for you?”Offer alternatives – if direct emotional talk is too intense, use drawing, crafting, writing, or symbols to explore feelings.
4. Manage the Last Session
Celebrate successes and review what the young person has achieved – acknowledge effort and growth explicitly. A small certificate, a ‘progress map’ summary report, or scrapbook serve as a concrete reminder.
Keep it predictable – review the agenda ahead of time (e.g., “Today we’ll talk about what you’ve achieved, say goodbye, and plan what’s next.”)
Ritualize the ending – a goodbye card, small gift, or shared activity (like a favourite game or art piece) can help give symbolic closure.
5. Afterwards
Check in with caregivers or the support network – help those people understand that endings may trigger delayed emotional responses.
Encourage coping strategies – identify sensory or emotional self-regulation tools the young person can use if they feel sad or unsettled afterward and send it to them as a final gesture.
Lara Harris
Autism Advocacy & Support Specialist