Navigating the summer holidays using low-demand parenting for autistic children with a PDA profile, and then preparing for school again
For many families, the imminent arrival of the summer holidays will mean a welcome break from packed lunches, school runs and morning battles. On the other hand, for parents of autistic children with a PDA profile, the holidays can bring unique challenges: ‘How do we provide enough structure to help our child feel safe and regulated, while maintaining the flexibility and low-demand approach they need to thrive?’
And before you know it, the summer holiday will roll on, so another question will loom: ‘How can we get ready for the return to school without triggering anxiety, resistance or burnout?’
Most autistic children benefit from routine and predictability; knowing what is happening and when can reduce uncertainty and help them feel secure. For children with a PDA profile, structure can become problematic when it feels overwhelming or controlling. Even activities they enjoy can trigger anxiety if they are perceived as demands.
Very genuinely, this can leave parents feeling caught in the middle, between a child that needs routine and a child that can’t cope with routine. Both can true. Autistic children with PDA often need the reassurance that comes from predictability while also needing a sense of control over how their day unfolds. It can be really tough.
Here are some ideas to try:
Instead of creating a timetable packed with activities, think about building a loose framework for the day – chunk the morning, afternoon and evening, with an emphasis on possibilities in each rather than requirements at each stage
Some families find it helpful to present ideas as options rather than plans. For example, instead of “We’re going to the park at 11,” try, “I was thinking the park might be an option today. What do you think?”
The goal is not to avoid all expectations but to reduce the feeling of pressure that can trigger anxiety.
The summer holidays can be a chance to lean into your child’s passions and interests:
Whether it’s Minecraft, trains, animals, coding, art or collecting facts about weather systems, special interests are often a powerful source of joy, learning and regulation.
While it can be tempting to encourage a wider range of activities, there is real value in allowing periods of deep engagement in one topic; this reduces stress and builds confidence.
Sometimes the most productive summer days are the ones that look the least productive from the outside:
Many autistic children spend the school year working incredibly hard to navigate social expectations, sensory challenges and academic demands. Masking is inevitable to some degree, and is utterly exhausting. This means that the long holidays can be an important period of recovery. What might look like ‘doing nothing’ may actually be a child recovering from months of sustained stress. This is particularly important if your child has experienced school anxiety, emotionally based school avoidance (EBSA) or burnout.
The build up again:
As September approaches, many parents understandably begin to worry about the transition back to school, as for some children with PDA, even mentioning school can trigger anxiety.
Rather than introducing daily countdowns or repeatedly talking about school, try sprinkling information naturally into conversations. For example, you could try driving past the school during an outing or looking at photos together from positive school experiences.
As the holidays progress, you can start gradually reintroducing elements of the school routine. For example, move bedtime slightly earlier, adjust wake-up times, and re-establish meal and snack patterns. Small changes spread over several weeks are often easier than a sudden shift during the final few days of the holiday.
If your child struggles with transitions/change, it can be really helpful to reach out to school before term starts to discuss and arrange transition visits, meeting new staff, classroom changes, flexible start arrangements, safe spaces and regulation strategies. The more predictable the environment feels, the lower the anxiety is likely to be.
Hopefully the summer holidays will give you a little more time too. We really recommend taking your time to find out more about low-demand parenting so you feel confident using an approach that will mean a happier child and easier family life. In that way, you’ll be looking after your wellbeing too.
Issy Martin
Advocacy & Support Specialist for the Neurodivergent